Day 2 - Not so good... :(

2009-01-04T11:59:00.000-08:00

Well, day #2 didn't go very well. No exercise at all and ate like total crap. :( I'm a very sensitive person and an emotional eater. I let something bother me yesterday and ate whatever I darn well chose. We went out last night to look at the Christmas lights at Hartwood Acres with my mom & dad. *Anytime* I am with them, it's hard to eat well. They eat whatever they darn well want and don't gain any weight. Hence, there is always "crap" around them. We stopped at McDonalds for dinner on the way there, had to wait an hour in line to get in, took and hour to go through it, and then we *had* to get out and stretch our legs. We were in the car for 4 hours!!! (It was an hour to get there and back) We also stopped at Taco Bell to use the bathroom and to get the kids in their PJs. Where, you guessed it, I ate more garbage. My calorie intake was friggin' disgusting yesterday. All because I am way, *WAY* too sensitive. :(

So, I'm aiming to do better for day #3. The weekends are always so hard for me. The last thing I want to do is workout and eat good. It's so much more fun to just let it go and enjoy everyone being home. Hopefully since the holidays are over and we're starting back to our regular routine this week, I will get myself in order. Tomorrow is another day!!!

Well, no time like the present to get started...

2009-01-02T19:55:00.000-08:00

A new year and a new me. Starting off 2009 with a bang. My motto is going to be "Revamp, Reconstruct, Renew".

I need to REVAMP my way of thinking.
~ The way that I eat. Mindless snacking. Grabbing the first thing I see. Portion control...just ridiculous.
~ The way that I blow off structured exercise because I'm "too tired" or not "in the mood".

I need to RECONSTRUCT my thinking.
~ Overhaul my self esteem. It is so low. I am always feeling fat and ugly. Never have anything to wear, feel unsexy to my husband (even though *he* doesn't feel that way), embarrassed of how I look when I am around family/friends/school parents/etc...
~ I need to feel as pretty as my kids and husband tell me I am. To match what my inside is.
~ Stop being so pessimistic and miserable. I am so crabby a lot of the time because I am so unhappy with myself. I am overly sensitive to everything that people say and do. I have a poor outlook on life and I need to realize all that I have that I am so blessed to have.

I need to RENEW myself.
~ Have energy.
~ Eat well.
~ Exercise more.
~ Teach my children healthy habits.
~ Love my husband the way that he deserves.
~ Go back to the happy, optimistic person I have always been.
~ Make my outside match my inside so that I can live a long, happy life.
~ Feel proud to be in a picture. My kids are going to wonder what the hell happened to their momma for the past year or so! I'm hardly in any pictures!
~ Give myself the permission to put myself first priority. I spend so much time worrying about what everyone else needs. I need to take care of myself in order to take care of my family.

I *need* to do this. It is no longer just something I "want" to do. I need to do this for me. I'm starting to be a shell of the person I used to be and I don't like it. I am looking forward to this journey and I will work as hard as I need to in order to make myself a better person. For myself. My husband. My kids. My family. My friends.

Numbers as of Friday, January 2, 2009

Starting weight: 196.4
Short term goal: 176-181 (in a 12 week period)
Short term total to lose: 15-20 pounds

Long term goal weight: 135-145
Long term total to lose: 51-61 pounds

Starting BMI: 28.9 (overweight)
Starting measurements:
Chest -
Bicep (left) -
Bicep (right) -
Waist -
Hips -
Thigh (left) -
Thigh (right) -
Calf (left) -
Calf (right) -
Neck -